I balance precariously… spreading my weight as evenly as possible and digging my heels in. The ice hides under the snow, and I inch along, avoiding what look like the weakest areas… I head instead for the deeper drifts, where I can sink deep and stand more solidly.
If ever there was a life analogy… this one hits me hard. My week has been completely overthrown by the snow that has hit the UK. With schools off and my work all but cancelled as a result, I find my careful and precarious snow walk reflected in my own emotional disarray resulting from the disruption of my routine.
The cracks are showing. How much of my self-worth depends on my identity as a functioning ‘worker’. How much I feel torn between mother and worker roles. How much I truly detest uncertainty (Will the schools cancel for tomorrow also??) Life has scooped away my deep soft snow and left me with ice. With cracks in.
Perhaps you know this feeling? You know what it feels like for one change too many to tip your carefully balanced steps out of synch. You know how it feels to see the cracks spreading… and the terror of falling flat on your face.
And here is the dumb thing. The cracks throw everyone. No one likes uncertainty. But somehow, somewhere in our stories we absorbed the message that we should have this down. That we should be pros at this balancing thing. We shouldn’t find this hard. And that belief somehow makes it all the harder to dance the snow dance with humour, if not with grace.
Here’s to the cracks; the reminders that actually we can’t have it all together all the time, the reminders that we are human and life happens and all the other clichés about it being okay to be us. Because the clichés are true.
Here’s to the cracks; the reminders of the areas I still cling to so tightly for self-worth and where I need to concentrate efforts for personal growth.
If you have cracks appearing in your life faster than you feel equipped to handle them, reach for someone to help you balance. And if you think I could support you, get in touch here. I’d be honoured to navigate your ice dance with you.